John Gunter

Thoughts on Life and Living

Times when I hate being single!

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This post is from my series called “My thoughts on singleness (a series. . .)“. To read an overview and previous posts from the series, please click here.

Inviting another guy to movies like "Nottinghill" is never acceptable. . .
Inviting another guy to movies like “Nottinghill” is never acceptable. . .

As I type this, I have 4 hours and 50 minutes to go on this flight (according to the flight tracker). Not too bad, except for the fact that I have already been in this airplane for over nine hours. Unconscious bodies are strewn everywhere, with only the flicker of seat back movie screens cutting through the darkness. It is 3:29am where I took off from. Yet, I am not asleep, as I almost never sleep on planes.

Here is what is on my mind right now. . . during times like this, I hate being single. I travel a good bit and I’m often on long flights like this one. Always traveling alone makes trips like this that much more brutal than they already are.

So, in honor of this LONG flight and being single, here are a few of the times when I really, really don’t like being single. [Read more…]

Heartbreak and the goodness of God

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(This post is from my series called “My thoughts on singleness (a series. . .)“. To read an overview of the series and for other posts in this series, please click here.)

Picture of the Istanbul sunset while I was there two years ago
Picture of the Istanbul sunset while I was there two years ago

As we walked through a park in an unfamiliar city, it was a clear day. She jumped right into what was on her mind. “I don’t know what the deal is. I have prayed to have the same feelings for you that you have for me. I really care for you and want to love you, but I just don’t.” Just like that, our relationship was over.

She had been the girl of my dreams, as we had dated on and off for four years. I couldn’t image a future without her in my life. My heart felt like pins were being jabbed into my chest. My breathing literally changed. I became light headed. [Read more…]

Three perspectives on singleness (what has kept me sane)

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This post is from my series called “My thoughts on singleness (a series. . .)“.  To read an overview and previous posts from the series, please click here.

I cherrish my roles as Uncle to my 8 nieces and nephews and an "uncle" to the kids over here in Asia. . .
I cherrish my roles as Uncle to my 8 nieces and nephews and an “uncle” to the kids over here in Asia. . .

Let me clear the air about where I am in life.  I am a single male.  I recently passed the dreaded precipice of 40.  I live in Asia and have lived here for most of the past 12 years.  My work does take me back to America a few times a year, but my adult life has largely been invested in a country far from my own, in cities and neighborhoods far different from my native Atlanta.

In spite of this, I am a normal, red-blooded American man.  I’ve come fairly close to marriage a few times, but nothing has reached fruition.  In college, I NEVER would have imagined that I would be single at age 40.  The very mention of the possibility would have made me laugh in a loud, animated fashion.

However, here I am.  I’m single and in an environment with very few relational options.  Very few.

And do you know what?  I am okay with this.  I really am.

In this article, I am going to talk about three perspectives regarding singleness which I have embraced over the years.  They have made my life rich and free from always longing to be where I am not: married.

Yes, I do get extremely lonely.  Yes, I do still hope to be in a happy, Christ-centered marriage one day.  However, these three principles have been very helpful for me in keeping perspective amidst singleness.

First, singleness is NOT a disease to be cured, but rather a stewardship to be lived. . . just like marriage.  Many single adults treat their relational status as something to change at all costs.  This has been the cause of many ill-advised relationships.  It absolutely breaks my heart when I see friends “settle” for bad fits rather than being called into a union of equally yoked partners.

I have been there.  I have moved forward in relationships with women who, though they were great people, were just not heading in the same direction which I was confident the Lord has called me toward.  Had we pushed forward, I would have been married to a beautiful and Godly woman, yet

[Read more…]

A theology of singleness

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This post is from a series I am currently doing called, My thoughts on singleness. . . (a series).

Theology library in Halle, Germany. . . I studied there a few years ago.
Theology library in Halle, Germany. . . I studied there a few years ago.

If you are not familiar with the term, theology simply means “the study of God”.  So how does my social status of being single or married have anything to do with “the study of God”?

Is there really a “theology of singleness”?  By the same token, what about marriage?  Does God want us to be married?  Does God even care?

I often feel that society thinks of single adults as “broken” in some sorts.  If I had a dime for every time I have been asked, “why are you still single?”, then I would have enough to buy a much better motorcycle.  This question is often undergirded by the assumption that there must be something wrong with me, some deep, dark insidious secret which few if any know except for me which has rendered me to walk the earth alone in this dreaded state of [Read more…]

My thoughts on singleness (a series…)

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Me (with Craig Clarke) at the Sunken Road from the Battle of Fredericksburg. . .
Me (with Craig Clarke last summer) at the Sunken Road from the Battle of Fredericksburg. . .

Table of Contents for this series on singleness:

(Explanation and overview of this series follows this list of contents)

Recently, Ruthie Dean asked me to write an article for her blog on the subject of singleness. I was honored, as her blog is exceptional. Additionally, it is a subject I have thought about often. This is probably obvious from the simple truth that I AM single and have been for quite a while. As a result, I had been meaning to write on the subject of singleness since I started this blog 9 months ago. However, it took Ruthie’s request to write for her blog to finally get me started.

So, what began as an article for Ruthie Dean and now evolved into an entire, ongoing series on singleness.  I don’t proclaim to be an expert on the subject, just a guy who has had a LOT of practice at being single.

I know that many people who read my blog are married. Actually, most people who read this blog are married. If that is the case, I hope marrieds can benefit from this series in three ways.

  1. Life and laughter – I hope that whether you are single or married, much of what I talk about will be equally applicable. To say it will be about singleness is a bit of a misnomer. This series will be about life. Given that I am an old bachelor, my angle will be from that of the vantage point of singleness. Also, I hope that some of it will be funny for all of us, if nothing else, humorously awkward.
  2. Understanding and ministry – Singles are increasing in number around the world. Did you know that for the first time in America history there are more single adults than marrieds? People are getting married older than ever in America. Divorce is a norm in society. Never marrieds are also increasing. Your churches, neighborhoods, places of work, and even your families will be increasingly populated with single adults. Hopefully reading this series will help you understand and relate to this growing population.
  3. Your future family – If you don’t already, you most likely will have children one day. Eventually, they will be single, at one time or another, in their adult lives. Hopefully, this series will be helpful for you in this way.

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