John Gunter

Life - Faith - One Bridge

The blessings and joy of singleness

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This journey of writing about singleness continues. . .

One of the trips I reference towards the end of this article. . . a random camel herder and I in the Arabian Desert a few years ago.
One of the trips I reference towards the end of this article. . . a random camel herder and I in the Arabian Desert a few years ago.

When is the last time you read something with a title like, “The blessings and joy of singleness”?!?!?!

Much has been written about the pains and problems of being single. It’s everywhere in the media. Many TV shows, if you think about it, have either primary or secondary themes of singles on the never ending pursuit of finding their purpose and meaning in life, i.e. their spouse. Singleness is portrayed as a necessary evil, a holding pattern, until life FINALLY begins at the marriage alter (or at least at the “happily committed in a stable relationship” stage). You find your partner, ride off into the sunset of contented, relational bliss, and. . . roll the credits.

However, there are great aspects of being single. There really are! I promise. For those of us who are Christians, the Bible is clear that there is great purpose, and even in some cases preference, in remaining single.

The main text in the Bible on this subject is 1 Corinthians 7:32-34.

The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband.

Paul talks clearly here about the advantages of being single. His main point is that in not having “divided interests” we are free to simply think about Christ and the values of His kingdom. I know this is a difficult perspective to maintain in the midst of the trials of singleness, but it is true.

Along these lines, here are some of the reasons I am content in, and even grateful for, my singleness.

  • Serving the world around me in a special ways: I honestly love being used in a way that builds others up in their faith and/or just makes their lives more pleasant in general. I think we are all this way. Whether it is coaching little baseball (as I did as a single before moving to Asia) or being able to get out of bed and help dear friends (Michael and Beth Gregory) with their injured dog (as was the case with the venerable Albus), I love being able [Read more…]

The process of purposeful pain (and sacrifice)

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Michael, Alex, Tyler, and I in our gym. . .the guy on the right is Alex's brother.
Michael, Alex, Tyler, and I in our gym. . .the guy on the right is Alex’s brother, Mikey.

It was 3:30am last night when it happened. The previous night it was around 2:45am. As for now, even as stand up from this chair for a break, it happens again and again and again. Curious? Well, I started back working out five days ago. After four months of complete and total physical lethargy, I am back crushing my body so that it might live. Right now, even the most basic of movements makes me question my will to live. I’m only partially speaking in hyperbole. I am hurting.

Since November, I have traveled a lot, eaten more (mainly disgusting food you eat when living out of a suitcase), and exercised almost none. The result . . . eight pounds gained and general physical malaise in every way. I knew it was time to get back on the horse, but I was just slow to mount. Thankfully, an old friend moved back to town who makes it his business to destroy his friends for their good.

Alex Detmering is a university English teacher by day and a professional trainer by night (he is a physical trainer in America). Michael Gregory, Tyler Leuck, and I are the willing victims of Alex’s torturous workout regimens and the recipients of his motivational yelling of statements like “do it!” and “butt down, heads up!” and “go outside to puke!”.

As I woke up this morning and did something that I have never done before in my life (popped an Advil prior to breakfast), I questioned my desire to keep submitting to Alex and his brutal ways of getting my softening body back into fighting shape. “Why do I do this?” dominated by thoughts as I limped over, with the gracefulness of a wounded rhino, to brush my teeth.

The answer is easy; [Read more…]

Grateful for the influence of a man I never met (Howard Hendricks)

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Isn’t it strange that we live in a day where we can have people deeply impact our lives on a personal level without ever having met them? I could rattle off a sizable list of men and women whom have helped mold and shape my world view, even my personality, whom I have never met. This morning, I am thinking about one such man.

Howard Hendricks from the DTS websits. . .
Howard Hendricks from the DTS websits. . .

I woke up this morning only to see on Twitter that Howard Hendricks passed away in America while I was asleep in Asia.

Howard Hendricks was introduced to me by my campus ministers at Georgia Tech, Howie Espenshied and Danny McKinney. My faith was new and untested, yet my passion and zeal was rocket ship high. Howie or Danny, I can’t remember which one, gave me a set of tapes on leadership by Dr. Howard Hendricks. He was a professor at Dallas Theological Seminary and was a major influence on large a number of the top Christian leaders from the past 50 years.

I inhaled that series of 4-5 lectures on leadership. From that time, I learned two values that have permanently changed

[Read more…]

A letter to a friend (girl) regarding dating Christian men

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This article is from a series I have been writing called “My thoughts on singleness (a series). . .” If you like, please CLICK HERE to read the previous articles.

Taken on the island of Koh Lanta, Thailand with my phone. . .
Taken on the island of Koh Lanta, Thailand with my phone. . .

A few years ago, a female friend of mine was struggling with the prospect of dating Christian men. She was new to faith and had dated much prior to becoming a Christian. She was struggling with some aspects of the culture of Christian men.

Though I have shortened and taken out some of the personal content, I wanted to post our dialogue on a rather important issue. I hope you will find this helpful.

The first part is an abbreviated version of her email to me. It is followed by a similarly abbreviated form of my response. I know what I am saying will be controversial on many fronts. Again, I do not pretend to be an expert in this area, but just a guy trying to bring his faith to bear in all areas of life. This area of singleness is just one of them.

Dear John,

I’ve been writing an e-mail to you, in my mind, for weeks, now. Here it is.

Do you know I’ve only ever dated non-Christians? (remembering that I’ve only been actively seeking God for the past year) I can see that dating Christian men is a whole different ball game, to use a metaphor you’d like. 😉

Have been bumping up against the notion of automatically ruling a man out because he’s not a Christian, yet have also seen, through observing couples at church and talking to pastor, how incredibly intimate and fulfilling it could be to share yourself, share your time, share your heart, with someone who puts God at the center of their life, as well. That being said, Christian men, speaking in generalities, can sometimes seem, demasculinized. [Read more…]

The eternal value of my recent Thailand vacation

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Ryan and I heading out to a dive site. . .
Ryan and I heading out to a dive site. . .

As I wrote about earlier in the week, I just completed a much needed vacation.  If you have not already, you might want to read it first (CLICK HERE).  Since I wrote about the “superficial” reasons I loved my vacation in general, and Koh Lanta, Thailand specifically in my last post, I am going to more focus one some of the more “significant” elements for which I am grateful from this time.

I am grateful for my friends. . . I’ve written frequently about friendship and its absolute necessity in my life on this blog.  This vacation only further allowed me to appreciate my friends and the role they play in my life.

Ryan Sweeney and I graduated college together.  As the Lord would have it, both of us ended up in Asia as professionals.  Ryan runs a factory in Xiamen, China, so we live a long way from each other.  Close relative to my friends in America, but still a decent plane trip away from here.

I first asked Ryan if he wanted to join me at Koh Lanta, Thailand for a week of diving, beaches, and food.  He agreed, and we were off.  That is really all I NEEDED . . . one good friend with whom to travel.

Then Travis & Sonya Todd (along with their four girls) jumped in.  Followed by Rush and Meredith Stuart (and Baby Jack!).  Then some new friends, Ty Nash, Conner Norton, and Amanda Robinson came aboard.  All told, we ended up having 20+ people I knew from around Asia that all converge on this tiny island in the Andaman Sea for a week of R&R.

It was wonderful having so many people there to do everything from eat dinner on the beach to snorkel to play volleyball to everything in between.  It was a blessing having such a large community to vacation with these past 10 days, especially since I live alone I LOVE being with others.  Time with friends, both old and new, was a definite highlight of my vacation.

I am grateful for the change of pace. . .  Honestly, my life in Asia can be quite stressful.  I put in far too many hours, in conditions which are always dynamic and often challenging beyond my [Read more…]

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