This post is from a series I am currently doing called, My thoughts on singleness. . . (a series).
If you are not familiar with the term, theology simply means “the study of God”. So how does my social status of being single or married have anything to do with “the study of God”?
Is there really a “theology of singleness”? By the same token, what about marriage? Does God want us to be married? Does God even care?
I often feel that society thinks of single adults as “broken” in some sorts. If I had a dime for every time I have been asked, “why are you still single?”, then I would have enough to buy a much better motorcycle. This question is often undergirded by the assumption that there must be something wrong with me, some deep, dark insidious secret which few if any know except for me which has rendered me to walk the earth alone in this dreaded state of singleness.
However, like pretty much everything else, the Bible speaks clearly on what God thinks about singleness. Therefore the theology of singleness, i.e. God’s thoughts/teachings on singleness does matter and is worthy of our attention.
First, and most obvious, God does love marriage and intends for the family to be the basic, foundational core of society. God teaches that marriage is clearly “the norm” for the vast majority of people. Man truly was not meant to be alone, as we see in Genesis 2:12. Additionally, marriage is the environment of which is ideal for the raising of children.
However, this does not mean that God teaches marriage to be a superior state of being to that of singleness. Nowhere in the Bible will you ever find this type of sentiment.
Singleness is actually a preferred status, in many cases, according to the Bible. The entire chapter of 1 Corinthians 7 is the clearest teaching on God’s thoughts on singleness. Specifically, in 1 Corinthians 7:8 the Apostle Paul turns societal expectations on its head in saying, “it is good for them to remain single as I am”. Wow . . . are you serious?!?!?!
So, we see here clearly that it is both good to be married AND good to be single. Both are equally good in God’s eyes.
Again, my heart in all of this is NOT to state that I am a militant single person . . . a “bachelor till the rapture” so to speak. However, I do want to simple state that life can and is lived well as a single adult. Singleness is not merely a holding tank until we can graduate into marital bliss. It is a valid “calling”, just as marriage.
As a matter of fact, I think some of the greatest resources for true world change and impact are single adults. I am praying that some of the people reading this can stop fixating upon not being married and start living life to the fullest now. Start serving the world around them with the same energy and passion as a husband does his household or a mother does for her infant child.
I will unpack this more in the weeks to come, but I do think it is important to start at the well-spring of God Himself. There is in fact a “theology of singleness” and it is important that we all wrestle with it, both marrieds and singles.
I would love to hear your thought and comments on this subject throughout this entire series. I am just one man with one vantage point. I would love to hear yours throughout, so I encourage you to leave comments and thoughts in the section following this and other posts.
The next article in this series will be posted in a week or so. Thanks and have a great week!
I believe that we were created to glorify God. Life utmost goal is not marriage, but becoming more like Him and glorifying Him through everything we do and say and are. I believe that marriage is one of the tools God uses to teach us more about Him and make us more like Him. But sometimes, He sees that He can do these things better if we are single. So, if I can glorify God better by being single, why should I be afraid to remain single? If by being single I can serve God better, why not embrace this season of my life with gladness and pour our my life for Him?
God is enough and everything for me and singleness is a wonderful season of my life because my life is lived in Him, because my purpose is to know Him and serve Him. I have never been happier and more content. It does not mean that there are no days when I am confused, when I feel lonely, when I wonder how much longer do I have to wait. But in the midst of all this, I have learned to be happy. I have learned to enjoy my singleness while using it for His glory to serve others. I know that He cares about my heart and my life even more than I do. He will not do anything to harm me. And knowing this is enough to help me totally trust Him and allow Him to write my life story…
Great perspective…thanks for sharing!
I think it is up to the individual whether they wish to be married or remain single. My generation you automatically got married after school, but today young people are waiting longer and I think that is smart on their part. Maybe this will cut down on divorces, that rate is extremely high. People don’t respect the state of marriage like they use to. Get married and if it doesn’t work out get a divorce. Marriage is a job that two people have to work at, the older you get the easier it becomes, maybe we get smarter and think as one. Your being single is your choice and your life seems to be exciting & happy, I think you are an amazing guy and when & if you decide to get married it will be your choice. I always enjoy all your articles. Hugs to You my Friend!!
Thanks Jane. . . great points. Thanks for your input!
I don’t think quoting Paul is going to an unbiased party on marriage.. I did enjoy your post.
Nice. . . of course he is biased, but I’m ok with that. Hope you are well and look forward to talking soon.
This–> “It is both good to be married AND good to be single. Both are equally good in God’s eyes.”
And this—> “Singleness is not merely a holding tank until we can graduate into marital bliss. It is a valid “calling”, just as marriage.”
These are hard truths which we need to grasp. Unfortunately, we make it hard for ourselves to do so…probably because we see that the marrieds are happier than we are or the society see us as having some defects that’s why we haven’t been found or haven’t found. I’d be rich if I had a shilling for the many times I have been asked what I am waiting for…or having to answer some questions for him who hasn’t found me yet, like “what is he waiting for”? Lol! With all the negatives we are told, it really is hard to see the goodness in single-hood and thus we forget to live our present lives as we wait to enter marriage…we become miserable dormant singles.
Gladly, I was able to grasp, though painfully these truths a few years ago. I have found many meaningful things I could do with my time that bring glory to God other than wasting that precious time throwing pity parties. Of course, there are those moments when I have to convince myself that there is nothing wrong with me…like going back to my apartment after visiting my friends and families and I find this eerie silence waiting for me. There are those moments when I am really scared that I will forever remain single, like when my birthday is approaching and it will be yet another year. But all in all, I try to see the positive side of my single life and be thankful for every moment of it. I believe it takes God to be single and happy…it also takes Him to be married and happy.
Thank you John for sharing and I can’t wait to read more in this series.
Wow, Tatuu, great words. Thank you for such a thorough and helpful contribution to this post. Wonderful insights and thanks for sharing your personal examples. Very good to have our Savior who understands all and is clearly with us through all. Thanks and have a great day!
I always thought I would get married but never thought much about children. For a while I did get scared about being single for the rest of my life until I confronted it one day a few years ago. I realized that , yes, I’m living single and have been all of my life and while I would rather that not be the case, it’s where I am today.
Reality is our friend. Jesus meets us there.
“we see that the marrieds are happier than we are”
“I believe it takes God to be single and happy…it also takes Him to be married and happy.”
This last one is just so excellent point. I have realized lately, that people always find something and someone to be jealous about. Singles are jealos about marriedas, some marrieds think that others’ husbands are more loving than their etc. You’ll always find a situation, where someane is having something you desire, but do not have.
I’ve heared about studies, which found, that most people feel depressed after using facebook, because people present there the best parts of their lives and if you do not have it that good, you feel depressed.
When a very good friend of mine got married (we had been long time single together and experienced it’s highs and lows together), i was so jealous of her although she is a very good friend of mine and older than me and i would have had every reason to be happy for her. God hilighted for me the vers: “mourn with those who mourn and rejoice with those who rejoice!” (Romans 12:5). I realized, that it is much easier to mourn with those who mourn, but so hard to rejoice with tose who rejoice, when they are having something what i really would like to have, but don’t have. I also realized, that when i rejoice with other people, i have much more joy in my life, not only double, but the more, the more people i rejoice with.
I’m still struggling in the area of comparing and jealousy, please pray for me!
Thanks for being honest about your wrestlings and for sharing such a great verse!
This topic is so important. My girls are young, but they do assume that they’ll grow up, get married, and be a mom. It is a good gift to have those things, but as they mature, I hope to be able by God’s grace to prepare them for a life of love and service to the Kingdom of Heaven, whether that involves having a family of their own or investing in their church family. We’ve been so blessed by ladies in our churches loving our children well; I look forward to reading more of your thoughts!
Thanks Elizabeth. . . great hearing from you! Hope you guys are well.
Great thoughts! Thank you for writing about this—I wish it were taught more among Christian circles. Look forward to reading your other posts on this subject.
Thanks Ali. . .
A friend posted one a link to your “three perspectives on singleness” post and I’m writing to let you know how much I appreciate your thoughtful and encouraging words. I’m 40+ single woman who would love to be married, and never expected to be single at this age, but who has grown to appreciate the beauty and freedom and opportunity God provides us to love and serve others in Christ’s name. I’m so thankful to have opportunity to serve with a new church plant in Barcelona, Spain and am living a life I’ve dreamed about for many years. Blessings on you as you live and work and serve in the place God has you. – Chery
Great to see such a large community speaking up. . . thanks for your words and for you service to the kingdom of God. May the Lord be with you, keep you, and may you continue to enjoy all He has in store for you!