A few weeks ago, I wrote “The poison of bitterness and the antidote of transparency. . .” This is a follow-up to that post, so you might want to read that one before this one.
Transparency with others is work. It is awkward and, in some senses, humiliating. We spend the bulk of our lives trying to eliminate weakness from our lives. I know I do.
However, as is often the case, the Bible points us in directions which are counter to our human nature, but towards ultimate purpose, joy, community, and fulfillment. This area of transparency in sin and internal bitterness is one such area.
We see this in James 5:16.
“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.”
In bringing your sin into the light with trusted friends, we are literally healed. I don’t understand everything about this, but I have found it to be true in every situation I have seen, both with me personally and in others around me.
Personally, I have found three immediate benefits to verbally expressing areas of sin and/or personal stress (like loneliness or anger) to those closest to me.
- Sin and bitterness, when confessed, loses its power/intensity, or at least is greatly lessened. This is mainly in the area of sin. There is something amazing that this verse in James speaks of regarding telling other brothers and sisters in the faith about what is truly going in our inner world. The thing that was so burdensome (our secrete lives of sin and stress) doesn’t seem nearly as bad as it once did. Having another person to help share this burden with me makes all the difference in the world.
- When you verbalize things like anger and self-pity to others, you will often see them as irrational and stupid. When you keep them bottled up, they seem to grow in power and ferocity. In just expressing my irritation and anger aloud to my friend (mentioned in the previous post), it allowed me to actually HEAR myself. I could hear clearly that the thoughts that had held me captive with anger and irritation were false. The accusations I had heard in my mind were false. They really were. There is something about saying these kinds of things aloud to others which allows reality and sanity to come back into the equation.
- Inviting others into the “hard places” of your life builds community and intimacy. In the end, it is a human need to both know others and be known by others. Whether it is from family or friends, we all long to be truly known by others AND accepted by them. In the end, that is one of the absolute beauties of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. According to the Bible, we are completely known in all ways by God. There is nothing beyond His purview of us. Yet, threw the completed work and sacrifice of Christ, we are 100% accepted by God as righteous and spotless. Intimacy with others, largely built through the transparency of “confessing our sins to one another” is a similar work of grace. We are known by others, yet STILL ACCEPTED by them. This builds great intimacy and community with those around you.
No man likes to tell another, “hey, I’ve been really lonely lately. Please pray for me and help me process this” or “I have fallen in sin in this area”. It feels weak and counter to everything I foolishly once thought to be masculinity.
However, I am finding that this is the only way to get on the other side of struggles such as sin and bitterness. It is the only way to grow in in the midst of it and not allow it to become personally destructive.
The Lord has given others around us to help us carry our burdens. We can’t do it on our own. We were never meant to carry it on our own.
Please pray for me in this area and I will pray for you. . . thanks!
(I’m on vacation this week. Some much needed R&R. As a result, I will most likely not post any new articles for the next 7-10 days. Thanks for continuing to read and interact with me on this blog. . . it really is a privilege for me to have others read and enjoy this!)
This is true for ALL of us. Praying.
Enjoy your vacay.
Thanks. . . it’s already started off really well!
Hope you have some great R&R this week. I will be praying for you.
Thanks Bec. . . still bummed I missed John Robert’s game. Hope you guys are well!
EXCELLENT words!! You mentioned opening up to your friend and how it “allowed me to actually HEAR myself” which reminded me of the verse from Proverbs 18:1 that says, “A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; he rages against all wise judgment.” And that is so true! The “rages against all wise judgment” part ties in with bitterness – the longer we allow unconfessed sin in our lives, the more angry and bitter we will become (I know this from experience), and the less likely we are to see or even receive wise counsel from others. It’s not easy bearing one’s soul to another, especially when we’re revealing our “ugly bits” 🙂 but like you said, (miraculously!) healing does come! It boils down to humbling ourselves first before the Lord but then welcoming brothers and sisters in Christ into our pain (just like Jesus has unconditionally welcomed us!) so that restoration and healing can begin. Oh, and the more you do this – i.e. keeping short accounts with God and others – the *easier* (still not always easy!) it will be. Thanks John! (and have a great vacation!)
Amy, as always, thanks for your sharp and kind words. Always a great contribution to these posts! Have a great week!
Timely topic, John. Heading to a men’s group retreat later today. I will likely share your insights there. Thanks.
Thanks Jerry, have a great weekend!
Enjoyed reading your article, as always. Have a Great vacation and you are in my Thoughts & Prayers. Love & Hugs!!
Thanks Jane!
Appreciate your words. I needed to hear that!
Thanks Brian, hope you guys are doing well…
Thanks for posting this. Good stuff.
Thanks…can’t wait to treat you guys to hot pot in a few short weeks.
Gunter I really benefitted from your post – I remember at a weekly Chat time I felt like we needed to pair up and confess sins to each other… Wow did I push against that personally! “I can’t ask the team to do this!” (plus I was harboring bitterness) When I finally followed through and we did it one Wednesday night ALL of us just came out of the time 10 lbs lighter and really did feel healing. So wonderful. What a faith step though huh? I like that you pointed out the supernatural part to it because we really don’t know exactly how it heals us – mysterious!
I also want to apologize quickly about not callin you back! I tried calling you back but I think you had left already. I have a new SMART phone helllllo (goodbye flip phone and 2004) and I wasn’t good about voicemails! Miss you so much dear friend
Erin, great example…thanks for adding it in. Amazing how things seem to work like this.
We will definitely connect when I get off the road. Look forward to catching up…we are WAY overdue!
Good words John, I’m praying for someone now who is bitter for no real reason. Praying That God will reveal this to him & renew JOY in his life.
thank You for sharing Truth & how to be Real.
HUGS !!!
Thanks Mrs. Clarke…praying for you right now.
What you write is so true… and such a great challenge!
Transparency vs Pride (“I can go it alone”) is the battle which has long raged in the human heart and is therefore not limited to the masculine. I really struggle with your point #3 and with the trust it takes to believe I will still be accepted. Might have to give it a go. Pretty sure my friends/family already know I am not perfect! Very much appreciate that you have taken the time to post such edifying words while on holiday. Will pray for your rest and for God to continue to be made great in your weakness! Grace & peace.
Thanks Alexis. . . have a great week!