You see, leaving Asia was certainly the most difficult decision I have ever made. I had poured my entire life in this wonderful region for 20 years. To say Asia was a part of me doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface.
To be honest, one of the reasons I chose to not blog for over a year was that my life was just too emotional, my thoughts too scattered, my heart too broken. When you love a land, people, and calling as much as I did, the process of leaving is a death of sorts. I knew this intellectually, but I have just not had the emotional energy or bandwidth to “go there” with my heart. God had called me to Asia in my mid-twenties. I obeyed and went. God has now called me to Los Angeles in my early forties. I obeyed and came here 12 months ago.
Moving to Asia was a painful, stressful time of leaving family, friends, and the country of my birth. It was scary moving to a job and calling which by definition was unstable, uncertain, and even “dangerous” by the standards of 21st century America. I obeyed and went.
The first few years were awkward and riddled with doubt, loneliness, adventure, and clinging to Jesus to sustain everything from a good attitude to fighting persistent, death-defying stomach flues. I landed in several Asian hospitals (two examples; here and here), I watched from afar as friend after friend got married (click here) & started families, and longed to be present as various nieces and nephews were born without me present.
In those first years of life in Asia, I met some of the best people I had ever had the joy of meeting. Not only this, we became friends, real friends, spiritual friends. We often had NOTHING in common, but a love of spicy food and the desire to live our short lives on earth to the glory of our common savior, Christ Jesus.
These scattered and few Jesus followers in my city, region in Asia, and the entire country began to dream. We trusted that if Jesus could move in our lives, He would do so also in the lives of others around us and even in places where we currently knew of no one of faith.
God answered. God grew us, both in depth and number. God grew us in courage and faith and even in joy. Not the kind of joy you get at a football game or concert. It was not a joy based on fun. It was a joy based on knowing and seeing God work in the midst of the impossible. It was a joy that shined forth in the midst of pain and suffering; loneliness and longing; fear and anxiety. It truly was the best of times and the worst of times as constant companions.
As I look back on my 15 years of living in Asia, there are wonderful memories and memories of pain. However, what surfaces its head most prominent above the noise and clutter of 15 years of life in Asia is that of two things; a person and people.
The person is Christ Jesus. Asia taught me, first and foremost, that life is about Jesus. He moved in my heart towards the end of my freshman year in college and changed me forever. In Asia, he taught me He is my constant companion and friend. In the middle of the pain, fear, loneliness, longing, and even victories and happy times, He was there with me.
In America, it was always easy for me to coast through life. I’ve been blessed with a good mind, body (though rapidly decaying!), education, family, and overall situation in life. In Asia, I found myself needing God’s help to get through each day. In the beginning, I needed His help to find food and communicate in a way to actually get the food from the waiter to my plate and eventually to my belly. Then I needed God to keep said food in my belly through sickness and physical adjustments which took years of acclimation.
In Asia, there were constantly the struggles that comes from being a Christian in that wonderful, yet highly politically/religiously suppressed country. Through the challenges of Asia itself, Christ Jesus was present, real, and my constant sustainer. For this, I will always be grateful for what Asia taught me about Jesus.
The people are those I was fortunate enough to “do life with” over my 15 years as a foreigner in that great country. In the beginning, I was part of a force of mainly Americans and Koreans who were united in our hearts and desires to see the Gospel go forth in Asia.
I arrived to serve under the leadership of men and women whom were world class in talent, yet had given up all, left their homes, and given their lives to the people of Asia. I could go on for days about all I learned from this blessed group of “foreigners” in Asia, and I will in the coming months, but for now just know that they molded and made me in ways I could have never once imagined.
As time went on, local Asians became Christians and were immediately inspiring to my faith. I remember the first time I sat in an “underground” worship service. We sang in the local language. It was shockingly familiar, comfortable, and “right” feeling to sit back in the midst of worship in a language I did not yet know.
The first time I had the privilege of being with a local man when he first became a Christian was a wonderful experience. I was amazed at his young faith. Within 48 hours of his new faith in Christ, we sat on a bench talking and praying together as new brothers in faith. He wanted us to pray for and figure out how to share the message and love of the Gospel with his family and friends. Only 48 hours into his life as a Christian and he was already excited about seeing the love of Christ spread to others around him! This scenario followed suit countless times in the years to come.
Like so many of the other Americans and Koreans in Asia at the time, I went to that country with the motivation to be a part of Gospel expansion in this people. However, what I found in the locals were friends and men & women I grew to respect, love, and admire in inexplicable ways.
I honestly think I went to Asia for them, but stayed for me and my personal growth as a follower of Christ.
As the church expanded in Asia, I was amazed at the heart and leadership God was raising up from within Asia for the Christian church. Their faith was bold, fresh, spirit saturated, open, joyful, and hope filled. They were a people highly persecuted and under levels of stress I could only imagine, yet they were filled with peace, love, and joy in ways I had never experienced in my own life.
I went to Asia to help out the Christian movement, but I stayed because the local Asian Christians taught me more than my American church and seminary experience combined.
I went to Asia to be a blessing, but ended up being blessed far beyond my meager contributions. In this I am certain.
So as I sit here in a Coffee Bean looking out over a “Beverly Hills” street sign one year to the moment after departing Asia, I am filled with a sad, yet grateful heart. I am sad as I miss my friends, my dear brothers and sisters in Asia. Their fellowship was rich, their friendship sincere, and their impact upon my life was and continues to be immeasurable. Their memory is sweet, but I miss their constant companionship. In missing them today, I am sad.
My heart is filled with gratefulness, though, as God is good in and through all of this. I’m grateful I was a SMALL part of the story of the church in Asia. I am grateful that in all the times I wanted to quit, give up on my life in Asia, and return to America because of loneliness, God carried me through. I’m grateful for the people and life experiences which God lavished upon me during my 15 years in Asia.
My heart is full of gratefulness today, because of the impact Asia has made upon me. The people, both the “foreigners” serving in Asia and the local Asians themselves, gave to me far more than I could have ever given to them.
(This was longer than usual, but just wanted to pour out my heart on this date. I do love my calling to Los Angeles and the people I am here with. I will write about this in future posts. However, today, I wanted to focus on Asia.)
I’m in a different part of Asia an in my 20’s, just over 3 years in. Back home weddings are happening, nephews are being born and growing without me, but this is where I am supposed to and want to be. Thanks for sharing your thoughts from the other side of so many years abroad!
Great hearing from you, Dale! Praying for you and your service this morning in Los Angeles.
Excellent post John! Asia and it’s beautiful people are among my favorites.
Thanks Traci, hope you are doing well!
John,
Really love your post this morning. Though I only spent 9 years in Africa before God called me back to the States, I resonate with so much of what you are saying. I remember weeping on the one year anniversary of moving back to the States (as I did many days during that first year, and many days since then). Africa and her people changed me, shaped me, grew me in ways I am still discovering. I miss the people, places, pace of life, seeing God work, being squeezed and pressed into trusting Him utterly and deeply. My transition back to the States and re-entry into American culture and life has been far more difficult than I imagined it would be, and far more difficult than my initial cross-cultural transition. And yet, in the midst of that I have felt God’s presence and comfort in some new and fresh ways as well. I’m thankful that He is so committed to us as His children that He continually calls us into new and deeper opportunities to lean into Him.
I’ve been thinking/meditating on Psalm 18 over the past couple of weeks…God has especially used verses 30-31 to bring comfort and rest:
“This God—his way is perfect;
the word of the Lord proves true;
he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.
For who is God, but the Lord?
And who is a rock, except our God?”
Thanks for sharing your heart this morning. God has encouraged me through your post. And I look forward to continuing to learn from you as God speaks and moves…
Press on,
Beth
Beth, thanks for sharing so much of your own experience of returning from Africa. I would definitely say 9 years is a long time!
Thanks for the Psalm here. . . great to think and meditate over.
Love it, John, enjoy reading your blog, thanks for putting this into words.
Thanks Jay. . . good hearing from you here!
John-you are a talented writer and communicator. I so admire your passion for people, but more importantly, your true love for Christ that comes through when you write. Thanks for being open to share. I look forward to hearing more. Stephanie
Thanks Stephanie. I appreciate your encouragement in this writing thing. I enjoy it, so grateful you have also.
Have a great day!
Poignantly said. So good and right to grieve and remember. The heartbreak you feel speaks to the depth of your investment in those things most worthy. You are forever shaped by your life there. It has become a part of who you are that will not fade or erode with time. Blessings, friend.
Cheryl, I know you understand this. Thanks for chiming in. . . good hearing from you!
John,
Thanks for writing this. You are missed here, friend. Your investment lives on in a thousand ways (or a thousand times a thousand). Thanking God for you and how He used you and continues to use your legacy in profound ways. And thanking God for how He’ll keep using you profoundly for His glory and others’ good. Thanks for loving Jesus so dang much – here and there and everywhere you are.
Laura,THANK YOU so much for the words here! Wow, I miss you guys a ton and still grieve not serving directly with you guys. Love you and Aubrey, and can’t wait to see all God does in and through you guys in the days to come!
John, I very much appreciated your heart and openness in sharing your life in Asia, and now in LA. I am presently working in Hong Kong and my thoughts of the need to continue joining our arms together to share the Gospel with the multitude of millions is ever present. Like you said, we are better for being with these fine people, and they continue shaping who we are in Christ. Thanks again for sharing. Our Lord continue to bless, keep, encourage and direct you. Your friend, Jay
Jay, great hearing from you! Grateful that you are still faithfully serving Asia. Look forward to seeing you next time our paths cross!
Wonderful reading your inspiring reflections on your time in Asia. Your church experience resonates with that of mine in a Middle Eastern context. As you know, God will continue in His faithfulness to you in a city that needs your global Christian perspective!
Ramesh, I pray that we will have more times in the future of process all of this together, hopefully while serving together in the same city/church! Hope you guys are well and really looking forward to hopefully seeing you guys when you guys come back over Thanksgiving.
John, thank you for this post. Something you do very well here is grieving. The longer I live, the more I understand how important it is to grieve well. We need to allow ourselves to feel sad and then to move on in hope. It seems to me that life seems to be a constant ebb and flow of grieving and being joyful. Of course, as believers we grieve as those who have hope in Christ. May the Lord bless your ministry in CA, Brother! I am glad that you could spend time remembering Asia today.
Amy, I could not agree more. Thanks for putting into words here much more clearly than I was able to do in this post!
Thanks for sharing your heart. You’ve now entered the stage of life when I was your pastor. Time starts to “speed up” as we mature. So cherish every season and every opportunity. “Redeem the time” – be grateful for the past and press on to the future. Moses got it right in Psalm 90:12. Your brother, Al
Al, as always, love hearing from you! I actually often think back and mentally process things I observing and learned from you and Wade during those first few years of my work in ministry. Great words here. . . love you, Al!
Love You John, GOD answered our prayers and kept You safe in Asia ! HE is faithful & Your faithfulness to Him is inspiring to me. You are a Blessing to our us and to All who know You.
Ecc.3 “To Everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under Heaven.’
Carol
Great hearing from you, Mrs. Clarke. . . you are so right; He IS faithful. Love you and Mr. Clarke!
I loved your post, John, Your writings have blessed me..as you have blessed me. I love you for sharing your wonderful insights.
Love you, Mom!
M Scott Peck, in “The Road Less Traveled,” talks about love, and how we pour ourselves into others and then they somehow become a part of us. Thank you for sharing so poignantly what it means to do ministry. I’ve never left a church without terrible feelings of loss — grieving, as you accurately describe. But then there’s really no other way to serve and care for others except in the sure knowledge that ultimately God does the stuff that really matters in people, that they belong to him. To hold people, or a ministry loosely is one of the biggest challenges of ministry, in my opinion. It’s just so natural, and easy, to claim ownership to that which belongs to Him. And not just to a church or a group — to our very lives. Being poured out is the essence of service. Thanks for sharing, and thank you for coming to LA!
BTW — I love Asians, consider myself an egg, and so I really appreciate all you’ve shared here.
Thanks Matt. . . great thoughts! Enjoyed meeting you on Sunday.