As I type this, I am sitting on the back deck of my apartment in Asia. There is a subway track in front, along with the panoramic view of sky scrapers of which most are still under construction. It is quiet right now, as life in this crowded mega-city is readying for bed. Other than the sound of a TV coming from an apartment of a near deaf person a floor or so below me and the hum of the occasional construction truck winding down the streets 10 floors below, it is quiet. . . it is peaceful. . . however, it is lonely.
I have been thinking about loneliness a good bit today. Partially because I heard a tremendous sermon on it by my friend Rankin Wilbourne this afternoon (click here to listen). . . partially because I am, in fact, struggling with loneliness right now. It comes and goes often with me living in an apartment by myself here in Asia.
It can come with the sight of something that reminds me of a niece or a nephew or when something funny happens that I know a good friend in the States would appreciate. It can come from a picture over Facebook reminding me that lives are moving on without me in relationships I used to hold dear.
Loneliness can come with an email informing me that I have missed yet another family event or wedding or friend gathering. Today it came from just hearing
my Dad’s voice over the phone. Yesterday it was in learning of the passing of Pat Ku’s grandfather. Life is happening in many places, yet I am sitting here on an empty back deck in Asia, or so it seems sometimes.
Loneliness truly has been an occupational hazard for me in choosing this life of living and working overseas. Don’t get me wrong, I honestly would not choose a different life than the one that I have lived thus far.
My mind races with the experiences I have had, friendship I have forged, mountains I have been fortunate enough to traverse (both metaphorically and in reality). . . and I am grateful to the core. God has been good to me well beyond my ability to express my gratitude with my feeble words. However, this life of living and working 10,000 miles from the city of my origin, the city where I learned to walk and read and drive and hit a curve ball; this life does get lonely. Tonight is such a night.
Even in the midst of nights like this, I am drawn to the sweet reality that I am not alone. There are others who understand me, who understand the way I am feeling at this moment. I understand that we ALL suffer with loneliness from time to time. We all have seasons of isolation, of longing, of heart-break. I understand this and it comforts me in a “misery loves company” type of a way.
Even more so, I am reminded of the most terrifyingly lonely moment in history. It was the day that our Savior, the creator of the universe, the One whom willingly left His home in heaven, and humiliated Himself to the point of becoming a child, suffered the anguish of the cross.
At that exact moment, Christ Jesus cried out in heart-broken honesty “my God, my God, why have you forsaken me”! Matthew 27:46-50 was not just the retelling of a factual event, it was the honest depiction of our Savior lonely, hurt, and rejected by those whom He loved.
Though this reality does not make the sting of loneliness depart, it does make me feel better. I still miss my family and friends. I still miss companionship during nights like this. However, I do feel better knowing that my friend and Savior, Jesus Christ, understands me. He is with me. He will get me through lonely times like this.
For this reality, I am grateful to the center of my soul, to the core of my being. I am grateful for Christ’s suffering, His betrayal by all those whom He loved. Because of this, I am confident that He understands me in all things, even during lonely nights (and months) in Asia, nights like this one.
Because of this reality, I am also certain that Christ understands and is with YOU, no matter what is going on in YOUR life. No matter what heart-break you are suffering, what loneliness has gripped you, what disease afflicts you, what addiction has taken root, Christ understands and is present.
For this, I am grateful. For this, I am drawn to praise and joy. . . the praise and joy of my friend and Savior, Christ Jesus.
Please pray for me that I will grow in this perspective, and I will pray the same for you.
(As a follow-up to this post, I wrote “Community, relationships, and other thoughts on loneliness. . .”)
I agree ..we need other Christians when we are in the valley & of course as You said JESUS is with us always.
your comment about a near deaf person watching TV made me laugh bec. Jim has the TV on loud all the time & i can hear it even w/door closed in another room.
another aging factor i suppose.
Praying for You & You have matured in your Trust in the LORD in many ways.
Love& Prayers.
Great words, Mrs. Clarke. . . as always. I’m sure Mr. Clarke can blast a TV with the best of them!
Love this Gunter. Thanks for such an honest post. Wish you could come over, sit on our couch, and watch an episode of Mad Men with us.
AM, that would definitely be fun. . . thanks for reading and commenting. Miss you guys a ton! To a less extent, I miss Don Drapper as well.
John (Sarge), I really do understand as you write this blog……..and appreciate your honesty and realness. You are a great writer and I enjoy your thinking process! Hope HE meets you in a special way- enjoy His Delight in you Ps. 18:19……I am in Orlando doing LHS which has been wonderful for me this year!! Take Care!
Debbie, tremendous hearing from you! Wow, it’s been forever. . . glad to hear you are in Orlando. Hope things are well and look forward to eventually catching up!
Great writing John, Loneliness comes goes in my own life as well. My life is very full right now with family and ministry but leaving our organization after almost 20 years has separated me from a lot of friends and acquaintances that I now rarely get to see, if ever.
Thanks for writing this. I pray that the Lord will continue to meet you in your loneliness as he meets me in mine. Miss seeing you friend.
Brian, thanks for adding your thoughts to this post. Really good thoughts. I miss seeing you and always ask Troy how you are doing. Thanks for your prayers. I’ll do the same for you, my friend.
Thanks John for sharing your heart openly and honestly. I miss you man. I always tell my wife how you introduced me to Chick-Fil-A. Now I crave it all the time. When you are in the States we will have to try to hang somehow. God bless my friend.
Good times, Mike! The Chic-fil-a legacy in your life is one I will embrace with pride. Great hearing from you, as always!
Good stuff Gunter. You are running this race well..praying for you brother and truly proud to call you a brother in Christ
Thanks Andrea, really encouraging. I also enjoy your blog. . . excellent!
Thanks Teddy…hope you guys are well!
Gunter, great post man, thank you for your honesty, this was an encouraging read this morning. Miss ya brother.
After so many years of being single and processing my heart with our Father alone. I found that I thought that being alone physically was my struggle, when it was my longing for God and being in the midst of so many people that did not empathize with me. I still struggle with this sense of loneliness even while married.
Thanks for your post John. I don’t feel so alone. 🙂
Good hearing from you Ben…great thoughts. Thanks for adding them here!
Thank you, John for your vulnerability, and willingness to share. Beautifully said and well written…even if you do feel your words are feeble.
Father God ~ may John grow in the faith, grace, favor, love, wisdom and knowledge of You daily. May he know Your presence in the quiet moments as well as loud, and everything in between. May his spirit be connected with Yours with a continuous thread that can never be broken making a beautiful and brilliant tapestry of a life well-lived that glorifies You. Bless him, dear Lord. Keep him. Make Your face shine upon him, and give him peace. Thank You, precious Jesus… that You are John’s friend, Savior, Helper, Provider and his all in all. May Your abiding communion with him be sweet and strong. In Jesus’ matchless name I pray. Amen and Amen
Thanks Becky. . . thanks for the prayer!
Powerful words John Gunter. Your words resonated with me as I experience a season of loneliness. I find loneliness ebbs and flows in my life. Thank you for writing so poignantly what is happening in your soul. You have given words to what I am experiencing. That is such an encouragement to me. I also loved the reminder of the fact that we are not alone. Christ understands my loneliness better than I do because He experienced a loneliness I cannot fathom. Thank you again for opening a window into your life through your writing.
Thanks, Kathy, for your thoughts…good hearing from you!
Gunter,
Thank you for your post, as several others have already said.
It seems like I can never remember in my heart that troubles are to be EXPECTED, not come as a surprise. It is through these trials and sufferings that we are molded and changed. Reading Oswald Chamber’s Upmost book today:
Oct 25, 1 cor 9:22 is the verse.
“A Christian worker has to learn how to be God’s man or woman of great worth and excellence in the midst of a multitude of meager and worthless things. Never protest by saying, “If only I were somewhere else!” All of God’s people are ordinary people who have been made extraordinary by the purpose He has given them. Unless we have the right purpose intellectually in our minds and lovingly in our hearts, we will very quickly be diverted from being useful to God. We are not workers for God by choice. Many people deliberately choose to be workers, but they have no purpose of God’s almighty grace or His mighty Word in them. Paul’s whole heart, mind, and soul were consumed with the great purpose of what Jesus Christ came to do, and he never lost sight of that one thing. We must continually confront ourselves with one central fact— “. . . Jesus Christ and Him crucified” (1 Corinthians 2:2).
“I chose you . . .” (John 15:16). Keep these words as a wonderful reminder in your theology. It is not that you have gotten God, but that He has gotten you. God is at work bending, breaking, molding, and doing exactly as He chooses. And why is He doing it? He is doing it for only one purpose— that He may be able to say, “This is My man, and this is My woman.” We have to be in God’s hand so that He can place others on the Rock, Jesus Christ, just as He has placed us.
Never choose to be a worker, but once God has placed His call upon you, woe be to you if you “turn aside . . . to the right or the left . . .” (Deuteronomy 28:14). He will do with you what He never did before His call came to you, and He will do with you what He is not doing with other people. Let Him have His way.
Love, Erin Gates
Erin, pretty incredible. Trying to take it all in…thanks!
Great post Gunter. I’m also reminded that, while difficult, loneliness was temporary, and on the other side of loneliness was LIFE. Grateful for you friend.
You too, Billy. . . thanks for taking the time to read and for your words.
Gunter, thanks for being there… I pray your loneliness brings many to true community. You need to get down here next time your around.
Thanks Chris…seeing you guys will be a huge priority.
Such a great Post and a topic most people evade.
Thanks Lauren…hope you are well!
John, I am encouraged by you and your work. I feel you man. It’s been a long time talking and seeing each other but I wanted you to know that I am praying and thinking of you often. I hope our paths will cross soon. Your bro, Lester
Hey Lester. . . thanks for your comments here. Wow, it has been way too long. I really do miss your fellowship. Hope you guys are well and look forward to our eventually seeing each other again!
iRelate.
An echo of my feelings and emotions. Beautifully penned down.
Thanks. . . it is strange how often times it is precisely in times of extreme loneliness when I find true refreshment and joy in Christ.
“Other than the sound of a TV coming from an apartment of a near deaf person a floor or so below me…” Ha ha! Love this!
Great, transparent post, John! 1Peter 5:9 is encouraging for such seasons…and the Biblical take on ‘misery loves company.’ Well, that may be taking it too far:)
It is so true though that our loneliest times can be the sweetest times with Christ. I’ve been without a car for a while now so life is very monotone: walk to work, walk home from work, enter empty house. Repeat.
As a Nanny, my main company is a 4 month old baby who sleeps 90% of the time. Thank God for the internet that is my window to the outside world!
I try to stay mindful that I’ve been granted a great luxury to read the word, Christian writings, listen to sermons, and spend time with the Lord–and at WORK no less! But isolation is trying and God made us to be communal, relational beings so it does take its toll.
So if my incessant comments drive you crazy, know that there are other bloggers worldwide that I’m annoying…and revisit 1 Peter 5:9 lol!
On the flip side I find myself fearing marriage sometimes, wondering: will I still get to enjoy enough alone time with the Lord? will my spouse give me space? what if he is clingy/suffocating? All that may sound ridiculous but my sporadic fears nonetheless!
Beauty and burdens color each life season and I’m thankful God’s grace is present no matter what season we’re in. Also, Christ is an ever-present companion!! We are indeed fellowshipping with Him in His sufferings!
As I type that I’m seeing that in a whole new way. That as we suffer, we fellowship with Him in that VERY moment. I guess before I’ve always taken that verse to mean that we have a greater understanding of and closeness to Jesus because of suffering. There’s truth in that but I think there exists and even more present-tense encouragement than I realized before. We suffer=we fellowship with Jesus then and there!
Don’t know if you read the following but they are great blessings to me!
http://blueprintforlife.com/blog/
http://www.boundless.org/
Natalie, I am sorry I am JUST getting back to this comment! I have been on the road and away from internet access for a week or so.
Great stuff in this comment! I really do enjoy getting them, so please keep them up. ONE of the ways I am making “good use” of my loneliness which is innate to living in Asia like I do is this blog. It is a blessing being able to interact with people over subjects close to my heart in this context. Thanks!
Wonderful thoughts on loneliness throughout your comments here. I agree and “amen” all of it. I will check out these two blogs today, as I FINALLY have an off-day.
Thanks Natalie for your input and the time you invested in this and all of your coments!