John Gunter

Thoughts on Life and Living

A letter to a friend (girl) regarding dating Christian men

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This article is from a series I have been writing called “My thoughts on singleness (a series). . .” If you like, please CLICK HERE to read the previous articles.

Taken on the island of Koh Lanta, Thailand with my phone. . .
Taken on the island of Koh Lanta, Thailand with my phone. . .

A few years ago, a female friend of mine was struggling with the prospect of dating Christian men. She was new to faith and had dated much prior to becoming a Christian. She was struggling with some aspects of the culture of Christian men.

Though I have shortened and taken out some of the personal content, I wanted to post our dialogue on a rather important issue. I hope you will find this helpful.

The first part is an abbreviated version of her email to me. It is followed by a similarly abbreviated form of my response. I know what I am saying will be controversial on many fronts. Again, I do not pretend to be an expert in this area, but just a guy trying to bring his faith to bear in all areas of life. This area of singleness is just one of them.

Dear John,

I’ve been writing an e-mail to you, in my mind, for weeks, now. Here it is.

Do you know I’ve only ever dated non-Christians? (remembering that I’ve only been actively seeking God for the past year) I can see that dating Christian men is a whole different ball game, to use a metaphor you’d like. 😉

Have been bumping up against the notion of automatically ruling a man out because he’s not a Christian, yet have also seen, through observing couples at church and talking to pastor, how incredibly intimate and fulfilling it could be to share yourself, share your time, share your heart, with someone who puts God at the center of their life, as well. That being said, Christian men, speaking in generalities, can sometimes seem, demasculinized. [Read more…]

James Bond, Istanbul, and the value of relationships

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John Gunter, Sonya and Travis Todd in Turkey
(L) Travis and Sonya Todd at a café in Istanbul; (R) Sonya and I shopping at the Grand Bazar, where there was a great chase scene in the Bond movie last night

There are many reasons we buy tickets to movies like Bond and others in the genre. As for me, I was initially attracted to these movies when I was a kid for one main reason . . . the exotic locations where 007 finds himself fighting bad guys. Thankfully really bad people always seem to hang out in really cool locations, at least in the world James Bond roams.

Would I have been drawn to the movies had they been in locals such as Tifton, GA and Provo, Utah instead of the likes of Prague and Rome, Italy? Absolutely not. My fascination with exotic locations was only stoked further by having parents that loved to travel.

I got my first passport in 7th grade, in preparation for our family trip to Europe. I was thrilled. In keeping with my love of spy movies, I actually posed for the picture looking like a “spy”. In my mind, a spy would naturally raise one eyebrow above the other and have a stern look on his face. I did the same. I don’t think that posed goofy passport pictures would float in our post-911 world, but at that time it was apparently kosher to pose any way you wanted. I looked like a buffoon, but it made for lots of laughs.

Back to last night’s Bond viewing. As I was sitting in the theater, I realized

[Read more…]

Three perspectives on singleness (what has kept me sane)

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This post is from my series called “My thoughts on singleness (a series. . .)“.  To read an overview and previous posts from the series, please click here.

I cherrish my roles as Uncle to my 8 nieces and nephews and an "uncle" to the kids over here in Asia. . .
I cherrish my roles as Uncle to my 8 nieces and nephews and an “uncle” to the kids over here in Asia. . .

Let me clear the air about where I am in life.  I am a single male.  I recently passed the dreaded precipice of 40.  I live in Asia and have lived here for most of the past 12 years.  My work does take me back to America a few times a year, but my adult life has largely been invested in a country far from my own, in cities and neighborhoods far different from my native Atlanta.

In spite of this, I am a normal, red-blooded American man.  I’ve come fairly close to marriage a few times, but nothing has reached fruition.  In college, I NEVER would have imagined that I would be single at age 40.  The very mention of the possibility would have made me laugh in a loud, animated fashion.

However, here I am.  I’m single and in an environment with very few relational options.  Very few.

And do you know what?  I am okay with this.  I really am.

In this article, I am going to talk about three perspectives regarding singleness which I have embraced over the years.  They have made my life rich and free from always longing to be where I am not: married.

Yes, I do get extremely lonely.  Yes, I do still hope to be in a happy, Christ-centered marriage one day.  However, these three principles have been very helpful for me in keeping perspective amidst singleness.

First, singleness is NOT a disease to be cured, but rather a stewardship to be lived. . . just like marriage.  Many single adults treat their relational status as something to change at all costs.  This has been the cause of many ill-advised relationships.  It absolutely breaks my heart when I see friends “settle” for bad fits rather than being called into a union of equally yoked partners.

I have been there.  I have moved forward in relationships with women who, though they were great people, were just not heading in the same direction which I was confident the Lord has called me toward.  Had we pushed forward, I would have been married to a beautiful and Godly woman, yet

[Read more…]

A theology of singleness

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This post is from a series I am currently doing called, My thoughts on singleness. . . (a series).

Theology library in Halle, Germany. . . I studied there a few years ago.
Theology library in Halle, Germany. . . I studied there a few years ago.

If you are not familiar with the term, theology simply means “the study of God”.  So how does my social status of being single or married have anything to do with “the study of God”?

Is there really a “theology of singleness”?  By the same token, what about marriage?  Does God want us to be married?  Does God even care?

I often feel that society thinks of single adults as “broken” in some sorts.  If I had a dime for every time I have been asked, “why are you still single?”, then I would have enough to buy a much better motorcycle.  This question is often undergirded by the assumption that there must be something wrong with me, some deep, dark insidious secret which few if any know except for me which has rendered me to walk the earth alone in this dreaded state of [Read more…]

4 observations on “thankfulness”

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Craig and Tracey Clarke on her cancer
Craig and Tracey Clarke have taught me much on “thankfulness”

In light of Thanksgiving having been last week and Christmas being a few weeks away, I have been thinking about “thankfulness” a lot the past week or so.

True confession. . . I am by nature a tried and true pessimist. Even in good times, I am looking for the bottom to fall out. I have a hard time celebrating victories in life, always feeling the next challenge is right around the corner. I don’t understand this about myself. I don’t like this about myself.

I do greatly admire those whom live lives of honest “thanksgiving” and thankfulness. The past several years, I have tried to change myself in this area. At the risk of looking creepy, I have observed those around me who are genuinely thankful in their dispositions . . . the people whom always find the good in every situation.

Good news. . . I am honestly growing in this area of being a more thankful person. Though still far from where I want to be in this area, I am growing. It is slight and I do have my moments of backsliding anger and bitterness, but little by little, I am becoming a more thankful person.

Here are a few observations on “thankfulness” that I have been stewing over in my pursuit of becoming a more thankful person. . .

1) People who are “thankful” are wonderful people to be around – Have you ever noticed how great it is to be around positive, thankful people? Seriously. . . think about it. I know “those people” can be a little annoying at times, but by in large [Read more…]

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