As I sit down to type this, I am tired. After three weeks of constant motion, jumping of time zones, meetings, meetings, and more meetings, I am finally back in Asia. It’s been a great few weeks, but they have been intense in every imaginable way. As a result, I am fatigued.
I would like to say that this fatigue with which I am currently stricken is unusual. It is not.
Perhaps my worst habit (some would say addiction) is that of overwork and/or over activity. This is actually a result of an unhealthy outworking of a wonderful blessing in my life.
You see, I really have enjoyed my jobs and calling over the years. When you enjoy your vocation, it often does not feel like work. This is a great thing for me.
As a result, I am prone to running, running, and more running until I can run no more. I crash. . .and it is not pretty.
My worst “crash” came about 5 years ago. I had recently accepted a new job and moved to a new city. The job was great, and I was thrilled to be doing it. However, it was a HUGE job. I was working obscene hours just to get up and running to the point where I felt I had a grasp of what I needed to do.
The job was honestly fun, interesting, and fulfilling. However, I was so stimulated through it in every facet of life that I actually got to the point where I couldn’t sleep beyond about 4am (and I couldn’t fall asleep until midnight). I would wake up, excited for the day, thoughts and ideas racing through my head, and I would be unable to go back to sleep.
I would get up, be at the office by 6am, and generally not get home until 9 or 10pm. On top of this, I was traveling for my job 40-50% of my time.
My physical, mental, and emotional energy was completely depleted after a few months of this pace. I knew intellectually this was happening, yet I kept pushing forward.
My fatigue came crashing down upon me during a small, yet significant breaking point. I was standing in my office when my travel agent (yes, we still use travel agents here in Asia) called to let me know that a flight I was to take out of Bangkok in two weeks had been canceled. I was placed on a later plane. This would cause me to miss my connecting flight, so I would have to spend YET ANOTHER night in a hotel away from my own bed.
It was as if this little bit of news sent me into an immediate tailspin. I had spent 40+ days in hotel rooms already that year (it was only May at the time), yet the thought of spending ONE MORE night in a hotel caused me to have a visceral response like I had never had before nor since.
I literally fell back in my desk chair. Anxiety filled my body, I had shortness of breath, and my heart rate noticeably sped up. My hands began to shake.
I had pushed my mind and body beyond its limit and now I had to deal with it. Something had to change. . . and fast.
My first order of action was to simply tell those around me what was happening. I asked for counsel, wisdom, and accountability. This was vital, as I needed co-workers and friends to help me scale back my lifestyle. (I wrote about this aspect “A case for transparency”.)
My second change was to cancel all non-essential travel. People were gracious, but I pulled multiple planed trips off the schedule.
My lifestyle was next on the list. I recommitted myself to exercise, which often took the form of an extended lunch break. I tried my best to leave the office by dinner time. I began a process of shutting down earlier at night in preparation for bed and even purchased blinders for my bedroom window, so as to improve my sleep.
It took a few months, but my life did get back to equilibrium.
My final action point from this time period was to look inward. Along with the help of those closest to me, I identified several “internal alarms” which seem to go off when I am getting too tired and fatigue is setting in.
When I begin to notice the following habits/attitudes surface in my life, I know I am getting too tired. I MUST step back to avoid burnout.
Irritability – I begin to get irritated over little things in people and life in general around me. One of my first “tells” here in Asia is road rage. Driving here is nuts. Rules are lax, to say the least. On normal days, the chaos just rolls off of me. When tired (like this morning), I white-knuckle the steering wheel in red-hot vitriolic anger. Not healthy.
Mental discord – When I get tired, my thought life runs amuck. Whether it’s anger (like the aforementioned road rage), feelings of abandonment, or lust . . . when my mind starts going dark and to bad places, it is almost always a symptom of fatigue setting in. An exhausted body results in a messed up thought life.
Discouragement/depression – I don’t know about you, but when I get tired, I often start getting discouraged in all areas of my life. It seems that anything can bring me down when I am tired. Logic and the clear presence of God’s goodness goes out the door and discouragement rolls in. This stinks!
Well, as a result of my “internal alarms” going off right now, I am in the process of implementing some of wisdom gained in the aftermath of my previous crash.
- I have already canceled two trips I was planning on taking in the next three week.
- Bedtime has been about an hour and a half earlier the past two nights and will be so for the next few nights.
- I’m back to schlepping my road-kill of a body back to the gym. Soreness is my friend; or at least that is what I keep telling myself.
Does this ring true for you also? How do you keep fatigue at bay? If so, I would love to hear your thoughts!
Around 2006, I started having panic attacks because I was pushing myself too hard. Our bodies, when working right, are tuned to warn us of these things – I thought I was dying, but like Cameron in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, I wasn’t – I just couldn’t think of better things to do. In my case, I needed to chill out …lots. Now I can feel when things are too busy and ease up on the gas a bit before it gets to that point. Glad you’ve figured out more of the same. I think it was my lesson from my 30’s.
Great stuff. . . btw, I literally laughed aloud in my small little Asian room when I read the name you signed on this. Good memories.
Thanks for the input here. Yeah, I guess we ARE getting a little more wise with age.
Good hearing from you, Shank!
Hey John! Great post. I will be chatting for your rest. This reminded me there is a saying (acronym) we have heard and use that is also helpful. It is HALT. Ask yourself, am I Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired? If the answer is yes to any of those, stop and deal with it. Blessings to you as you rest in Him. –Brenda
Wow, I’ve never heard that. . . HALT. I’ll remember this one.
Thanks!
On a side note, I introduced Noah to “Nerds” candy yesterday. Given the level of focus he employed in eating them, I think he enjoyed them.
Great lesson to learn! In one of those stages in my life, my wise supervisor asked me what I was missing in order to feel like I had a balanced life. Assuming we are covering the basics of enough sleep, good nutrition and exercise, sometimes it is actually adding something “life giving” that creates that elusive balanced feeling. We often feel like we must need to take something away when sometimes we actually need to add.
Very good point, Melissa. I completely agree. Building in elements which are life giving and not draining are vital. It’s been a struggle for me over here, but something that is vital nonetheless.
Thanks for your thoughts!
Excellent post, John. Thank you for letting us inside your head, and your body. I have felt those same feelings many times because of the gift you described – a job you love. Weekly sabbath helps me crucify those voices and urges to keep saying yes to everything and everyone. Blessings, Ken
Thanks Ken, great hearing from you!
Yes, I also have seen Sabbath as key in this journey of “balance”. When I am doing well in my Sabbaths, I do much better in the rest of my life.
Hope you guys are well. . .
Oh boy. Just started a new job I really enjoy but it’s long hours and lots of mental/emotional/physical stress. Needed to read this, thank you.
Thanks Sindy. . . I was catching up on your blog on the plane coming back here. Great stuff!
Oh yeah, congrats on the new job!
friend, hope you rest well after the trip ! take care !
Thanks Lydia. . . miss being around you and am dreading you and your husband’s move!
Get some rest Gunter!
Thanks Tatuu. . . plan on having a restful weekend!
Hey John. I can totally relate to your story. I often don’t intellectually realize when I am exhausted, but physically, my body starts manifesting the symptoms. Normally, the first symptom is dizziness and the beginning of some incoherency from fatigue. Depending on how hard I have pushed myself and allowed myself to be overstimulated, I can also get a little anxious and start feeling short of breath. I have begun to learn when I am getting close to these points and force myself to rest and/or sleep. I will also clear my schedule to take care of myself. It is funny how your heart wants to go, and your body says no. I am 37 and feel like that balance-heart vs body-has been a little bit harder to manage sometimes. 🙂 The sleep thing is more important now. 🙂
Thanks for the input here, Stephanie. It really is important to be able to understand ourselves and notice warning signs when things are a bit off. Thanks for sharing yours in the area of fatigue!
Those few extra hours in Vegas would really push you off the cliff…
You are right. I’m so happy I exercised sound judgement and left you guys!
Been doing a bit of travel in Turkey…reading the Biblical texts in the places where the history happened. It’s been amazing and what my time here has reminded me of is the power of reading God’s word…not for work, not for course of study, but for gaining a glimpse of God, his people, his story, his hope. When I find life getting too much, this is the one sure way to give rest to my soul.
I know you know this too, but from one overworker to another this might be a strategy to keep us from burnout in the first place. Grace & peace, John!
Wow, that is a trip I have always wanted to take! I was there for meetings about four years ago, but no time to tour. I jealous!
Very good point and one I always need to reminded of. In the end, it’s all about the beauty and story of the Gospel in our lives. It’s not about our works, but rather He who is at work in and around us. Great reminder!
Hey, if you are really interested, I could put you in contact with my friend who organizes the tour. He teams with a local guide who provides the historical, geographical and cultural background/ insight and he does the Bible teaching at the sites of the 7 churches in Revelation. I have to say the tour was the best trip I have ever taken and has probably changed my life and the way I read the Bible forever…and I have the 604 photos to prove it. Just let me know if you’d like his email and he can let you know about his next tour. Think he’s planning to run one in June when we’re out for holiday. Grace & peace!
I WOULD love that info! I am at [email protected]. Thanks!
Hey John! I can totally relate to everything you have said here. I used to work insane hours for over two years running the development department of a non-profit to the point that my hair started falling out in clumps, my stomach hurt all the time, blocks of my short-term memory would just be gone {I couldn’t remember my best friend’s name when I was introducing her to someone!}, I wasn’t sleeping, I was an emotional wreck, etc. It is AMAZING to me what stress does to the body. I was so horribly burnt out that my doctor told me if I didn’t change my lifestyle {like right then} I would end up in the hospital. She said my body/the stress was killing me from the inside out.
My problem was saying yes to everything and everyone because if you’re a good Christian girl and people need help, you help them. 🙂 I would say “yes” when I absolutely wanted to say “no.” I would say, “I’m fine” and be dying inside because my pride wouldn’t allow me to admit I couldn’t do it all anymore. God really used my health scare and Psalm 32:2 to shake me up. Psalm 32:2 {NLT version} says, “What JOY for those…who live their lives in complete honesty.” God showed me that when I say yes when I should/need to say no and when I say I’m fine when I’m really not, I’m not living my life in complete honesty. It’s not like I’m setting out to be dishonest but that’s what happens when you allow fear of man to override fear of God. This was huge!
That started a chastening process that was very difficult but ultimately healing and restorative in my life. I learned to set boundaries {not only boundaries when others are asking things of me but also boundaries for myself that have to do with my workaholic tendencies} and to speak truthfully instead of rattling off the standard “I’m fine” line all the time. It has been a humbling experience but man, I’m free from all that today and I recognize the signs right away {as it sounds like you do as well} when I’m starting to push myself too hard. Irritability is a huge red flag for me and is usually a sign I’m not getting enough sleep {which is SOOO important!}.
Anyway, I could go on about all this because it’s been a life-changing experience. My doctor told me it could take 1-2 years for my body to get back to some semblance of normal. Well, I’m going into year three and am just starting to feel like myself again. It’s taken longer than I wanted it to but at the same time, I have learned so much and am grateful for God’s grace through it all. Thanks for letting me share. I’ll be praying for you and am glad you are taking steps to take care of yourself!
Amy, thanks a ton for your thoughts on this subject. Your experience is really helpful to process, think through, and learn from here.
I honestly had a long reply, but the internet cut out here and it is gone (bummer). . .
Anyway, I have been close to burnout several times, but none worse than the time I talked about in this post. It is pretty scary and definitely always wrought with many factors.
Thanks again for all of your input here. . . have a great week!