KD was a big man, who could have doubled as a TV star. He was a former college athlete and a clear leader within the underground Christian movement. In short, he was a stud!
We met at the home of John Ellis, who was a mentor and boss to both KD and me. I remember that night being a joy. We laughed. We ate. KD shared with us some of the stories of the local church movement. We walked away as friends.
For the next fifteen years, KD and I served together in various ways and from the vantage point of several roles. We were co-laborers and brothers-in-arms until I departed Asia in October 2014. My respect, admiration, and enjoyment of him only grew over the years.
KD was with me here in Los Angeles yesterday. He is now over a large movement of church networks all over my former home in Asia. He is in town speaking at a local Chinese Christian conference all weekend. KD came in a day early so we could spend time together. He was gracious enough to speak to our church staff yesterday afternoon as well.
KD shared about the work which is ongoing in Asia. He showed pictures of my former colleagues, my friends and brothers in Christ. I was overjoyed to hear and see that the Christian church in my old region of Asia is going stronger than ever. As I talked with KD all day and then watched him presenting what is happening in Asia to our staff, I was filled with emotions. My heart and mind were jumping from joy to pain to hope.
As I sit here now processing yesterday’s time with KD, several themes are coming to the surface.
…amazement at the continuation of the Gospel in my old Asian home
God started a great work in that country several hundred years ago. There was very slow, arduous growth. The Christian church in this country experienced one of the greatest seasons of persecution that any people have lived through in human history. The work of the Gospel began growing in the 1950s and then it accelerated massively in the 90s. This growth continues to this day. It was an absolute privilege having a front row seat for a 20-year window as the church in Asia grew at a historic pace.
I left on October 14, 2014, but I was confident the work of Jesus among this wonderful people and country would continue. It has and in ways I could not have dreamed. It was with amazement that I sat there listening to KD talk about all that is going on in Asia right now.
…joy in knowing that my friends and brothers & sisters are doing well
Life is hard in Asia for the Christian church. Even though the growth is exceptional, it is still a war. It is lonely, exhausting, and fear-laden. Most of the Christians have been rejected by their families as a result of their decision to follow Christ. Many have been arrested, interrogated, and harassed by the police, as my friend KD has on many, many occasions.
I sat in many tea houses just listening to local Christian brothers share of their hurt from the rejection of their families and their broader culture. I worried for them and I still do. The pressure upon them continues to be profound and all encompassing. However, as KD gave me update upon update of my friends in Asia, I was overjoyed. As I sit here now having time to take it all in, I find myself celebrating all the more. Complete and total joy.
Many times in Asia, I thought that if I left certain friends in Asia, this might be their “final straw.” They would crack. I was wonderfully wrong. They are thriving and moving forward in life and ministry with the strength I never imagined.
…I deeply miss my friends, that time period, and the exhilaration of being a part of that movement
Upon praying with KD in my office as he was about to leave, I began tearing up. I walked him to his car, we hugged, and he drove off. I then walked the streets surrounding my office building and wept. I’m sure it looked strange. These streets of Beverly Hills rarely see disheveled messes like they were presented with yesterday at 4:15pm. But there I was; walking, crying, and processing life.
I miss my friend, KD. I miss being in the midst of his commitment to Jesus. I miss my other brothers and sisters over there immensely. I miss that time period in my life. I miss the dreams we were all collectively dreaming; dreams of what God would do in our midst. I miss the work.
I miss seeing Christ work in and through men and women so utterly different from myself. We were from different backgrounds, countries, and life experiences. Yet, it worked. It really did. I miss having faith in Christ and our common desire to see the kingdom of God expanded in and around us as our only real and tangible commonality.
As I walked the streets here in Los Angeles yesterday late afternoon, I felt acutely the pain of missing, of distance.
…as I grieve missing my life in Asia, I am filled with hope
This is one of the many strange phenomena of the Christian life of which I appreciate more with time. We can grieve loss and yet cling to hope at the same time. In the beautiful story of Christ himself, we see ultimate hope and final victory wrapped up in the execution of our Savior, father, friend, and hero. In the crucifixion of Christ, we find pain and suffering ending in hope and joy eternal.
Today I am honestly grieving the end of a time period in my life of which I will always cherish. I will never see many of the people I used to do life with again on earth. Even if I do see them again, as I did KD yesterday, it’s just not the same as it was. The love and respect is the same, but the presence of daily life will almost certainly never be there again.
However, today I am also hopeful.
I am hopeful, because there will be an eventual reunion. There will be a time when we all meet again. And the next time we meet, there will be no more pain, no more suffering, no more loneliness. There will be no more fear or longing for home. We will be home already. We will be home together and we will be celebrating.
I’m certain there will be joy unspeakable. Our pains of this world will be forever removed. The inconveniences and temporary suffering we all carry here will be a thing of the past.
I am hopeful, because I am choosing to enjoy what I have been given, rather than fixating upon that of which is no longer mine. God gave me the gift of 15 years of living and serving in Asia with some of the greatest people I have ever met. I still can’t believe I was able to do life with KD, John Ellis, and many others. I still can’t believe that God gave me the gift of being able to experience history, not merely read about it. Even as I type this, my heart is filled with gratitude beyond description.
I am hopeful, because there are good people everywhere and God is working here and now, just as He was there and then. Just as there were wonderful people in Asia, so are they here in Los Angeles as well. Just as God was working in East Asia in 2001, so is He here in California in 2017. The people might enjoy different movies and prefer differing levels of spice in their food, but there are wonderful people of God everywhere and in all times. This is the case in Los Angeles and my old home in East Asia, we well as Peoria, Atlanta, London, and to the ends of the earth. I have experienced this the world over.
So today I am both grieving the pain of missing friends and a cherished time period of my life, while at the same time I am grateful for all that is currently going on in, around, and through me.
Most of all, today I am celebrating a time of which all of our striving will cease, all of our “missing” will end, and perfect joy will begin.
As in all things, I’m grateful for my Savior and friend, Christ Jesus, who brought and brings together longing and hope in a way that is impossible to explain but wonderfully true all the same.
John, Beautifully, honestly, poignantly expressed. A season of your life you’ll never forget and will regularly miss. And grieving can be clarifying, to open up a hope and a future from the One who loves us, appoints every season, every kairos reaping time, as well as every lean time. The tapestry of your life is not yet fully woven. And our Lord has promised to bless those who mourn. Grieve well, thank God for KD, for East Asia, and as my missions mentor Harvie Conn quipped,d “The Auca Indians of California.” Love you brother. Persevere in hope.
Al, I think often of our time on your front porch right before I moved out here to LA. Your wisdom that day still encourages me often.
Thanks for reading and continuing on your wisdom for me. This is beautiful. Love you, Al!
Thanks for sharing your heart.
Danielski, thinking about you some when writing this. Hope you guys are well!
Praise God for your service…both in Asia and in the U. S. Thank you for reminding us that Godis at work in our WORLD! Keep the faith! Love and blessings! Sylvia
Thanks Mrs. Crooks! Hope you guys are well!
Well said my friend. Even though the friendships continue on, doing every day life with each other is something else entirely, and is very special. The people on your “team” become another family. Living there had it’s struggles and weariness but living in the US has it’s own set as well. I can relate!
You are correct. Wow, any chance you guys will ever drop in to SoCal?
John — rock solid. Grateful for these words and for your leadership.
Matt, man, we have a ton to catch up on. Any chance you guys ever fly in/out of LA?
Good to hear about KD’s visit John. I am sure you did a lot of catching up.
Thanks for being candid in sharing your heart… I started to miss Asia too… that feeling that I had long been ignoring 🙁 hope I get to visit there one of these days…
Good hearing from you Rachel…hope you are well!
John, your grieving is something I share tho I was only in China ten years. The daily interaction with brothers and sisters is hard to come by in the US. We have too many distractions to keep us apart. Thank you for sharing your feelings and may God use all of us to build community in Christ where we are. Karin
Karin, 10 years is a long time!
God bless you and you guys service to China. Hope you are well!
Beautifully said John. Drove me to some deeper thoughts and fond remembrances as well, albeit at different geographical points! Glad that you continue to use your blessing to be a blessing, my friend.
Thanks Bob…great hearing from you! Where are you now?
John. I’m deep in a challenging environment in a somewhat culturally post-Christian area. I’m still working with fraternity and sorority young men and women in higher education. Being at a mid-Atlantic University had made it a much more international experience! Coincidently, I’m also the faculty advisor for Cru and Bridges! The rest of our mutual updates should happen via email. I’d love to hear more of your journey from there to here! In His Grace and Grip brother!
Sounds great. Please email me at [email protected] .
Oh John… you have touched my heart tonight reading your latest blog about your dear friend. After one of my very sad evening and nights last night.. and I have those times many days and on a constant roller coaster ride of emotions. Your words about your grieving and hope and meeting again.. no pain, no suffering, no loneliness and such joy unspeakable that I will see Bob again also. I cry again but also tonight not just of sadness but some happier tears of being with Bob again to celebrate. You are in my prayers, John, and I thank you again. Linda
Linda, I’m so grateful for you and for your note here. We are all praying for you and love you. Bob was such a good man; I can only imagine how much you miss him.
Grateful for the promises of Christ that Bob is without pain and we will all be reunited again (and not too long from now either).
Thank you for letting me know you read and enjoyed this post. It means a lot to me.
Praying for you today, Linda.
John, I witnessed pieces of your work as I was in East Asia for two months last Fall. What a blessing to see disciples discipling! There is much fruit and the work continues. Thank-you for all the planting during your service and continuing to nurturing those seeds of faith through prayer.
So glad you were able to get over there and visit your grandchildren! I love your daughter and son-in-law.
Thank you for your kind words and thought on the ministry. I’m very grateful.
John, this blog made me miss our wonderful and challenging adventures in EA. So many fun memories. So many exciting adventures. So many life changing experiences. So many precious relationships— with KD and his people as well as with brothers and sisters from all over the world who were passionate about one thing– the Lord’s Great Commission! Just like you, that time and place will always have a special place in my heart. Thanks for writing about this. Blessings!
Miss you guys, Deanna! They were wonderful times. I remember several meals you and roommates cooked me that were always really delicious and fun!
If you and Robert Harrison are ever passing through LAX, please let me know.
John,
I found comfort in your processing. I have been back a year from a 2 year adventure (one stateside on the west coast and 1/2 a year overseas on the mission field. I feel my life changed a lot overseas reaching out across the nations. It was all underground sowing in prayer and worship mainly, but I was truly changed and fulfilled in it.
We carry these friends and the nations in our hearts. I know you will reap a harvest!
I appreciate your honesty. Life is quite different here and for me very white. (As in I work among a lot of white, wealthy people. It’s still strange to me. I miss the nations).
But like you, know I am for now where I am needed.
Grieve and rejoice well! I should do the same. 🙂
Thanks for chiming in here, Rebecca!
Yeah, these emotions run deep.
Hope you are well!
miss you too. john . come back for a visit! duge looks thinner there:)
Lydia, we talked about you a good bit! I hear your husband is studying and you are doing great!
I have a picture of you and me hanging up in my office. Miss you and the others so much!
sending a big hug to you from Texas, brother
Thanks Kelly…hope you guys are well!
Thanks for sharing about your time with KD! Lots of memories came flooding back reading this post. Love you brother!
Thanks, brother. . . great hearing from you, Drew!
What warm feelings! My heart goes out to any person who “carries the inconveniences and temporary suffering” of this life here. Happy to read about the light that my personal Hero is spreading in the life of other people who love Him.
Most of the thoughts above ring a bell. I remember some unusual feelings of home-sickness I sometimes have, even when at home. It’s like an uneasy, unexplainable, sensation of sudden estrangement from the cosy setting I am in and a strange longing for a space far away. Pretty odd, I know. :/
I had a similar feeling 7 years ago when I crossed the Atlantic for the first time to go to Central America. I was sitting on a beach at the Pacific, thinking about the huge distance to my home. On my way back, I remember that once landed in Amsterdam, I felt like I had already gotten home because I was finally within walking distance from my country… 🙂 In a few months I will cross the Atlantic again and go to California, for a three-month training program for my new job. I know I will have the same feelings.
Anyway, as you say, our eternal homeland is so near, much nearer than ever. Let our hearts be filled with joy!
Thanks for your thoughts and sharing your experience!
John, I just read this post….and oh how it brings forth emotions in my heart. You describe well the leaving and changing of our lives from the calling and love of our lives and ministries abroad (but not only from abroad). I related at almost every level. So glad that I read this today. It gives words and allows me feelings from days gone by. It is now 5 years for me from returning back. And I can feel similarly.
Debbie, great hearing from you! I appreciate you taking the time to write this message. Hope you are doing great!
Hi John,
It has been some time that I was able to read your blog and I know this guy that you mentioned as well. I felt the same, the loss of not being back there but the reality that you are where you are because God meant that to be.
Thanks for writing and for this special ministry through your blogs.
Are you still connected with your current church? We have a trip to Orlando that passes by LA for few days this August.
I just wish if there’s a chance to visit.
Your friend,
Faith Ann